Platter Of People
Almost a year has passed since I embarked upon this journey for the first time. A full circle - leaving for university, coming home for Christmas, second semester and back home for summer break. I am back now at the starting point, though on a parallel plane since almost a year has passed since that day.
This past year has made me stronger, made me more independent. And if not that, atleast it has given me that moment of realisation. Now I am more aware of everything I had taken for granted for the first nineteen years of my life.
Yet on one aspect this year is no different from the last: anxiety at leaving the place I so profusely call home.
Yet again there comes the moments where I strain from breaking down, moments where I run through the list of things to do in my mind and on my laptop, and those moments of disappointment. There are always expectations and for me those are directed towards people who are closest to me. Some deliver, some don't. Same old, same old.
And sometimes there is delivery from people you never expected to stand up for you. In this, there is great solace. A simple joy even.
This morning I experienced a glimpse of excitement at resuming my life in India. It was an unexpected feeling but one that was more than welcome. Perhaps a feeling that has been long overdue. Indeed it was a moment of hope.
But as quickly as it came, it was gone. And I settled back into this trough. I look ahead and all that exists is the long, steep climb back upwards.
On this last night in this city I love so much, I examine my Platter of People. These are my people, the people I love, the people who have made a difference in my life. A comparison to last year reveals that some that were on the outer circle have been pulled inwards. There are some whose position remains unchanged, and I love them for their steadfastness (I hate Change). And some are straying dangerously on the edge, threatening to fall off, and I catch my breath.
On this last night in this city I love so much... Help me. I'm suffocating..
This past year has made me stronger, made me more independent. And if not that, atleast it has given me that moment of realisation. Now I am more aware of everything I had taken for granted for the first nineteen years of my life.
Yet on one aspect this year is no different from the last: anxiety at leaving the place I so profusely call home.
Yet again there comes the moments where I strain from breaking down, moments where I run through the list of things to do in my mind and on my laptop, and those moments of disappointment. There are always expectations and for me those are directed towards people who are closest to me. Some deliver, some don't. Same old, same old.
And sometimes there is delivery from people you never expected to stand up for you. In this, there is great solace. A simple joy even.
This morning I experienced a glimpse of excitement at resuming my life in India. It was an unexpected feeling but one that was more than welcome. Perhaps a feeling that has been long overdue. Indeed it was a moment of hope.
But as quickly as it came, it was gone. And I settled back into this trough. I look ahead and all that exists is the long, steep climb back upwards.
On this last night in this city I love so much, I examine my Platter of People. These are my people, the people I love, the people who have made a difference in my life. A comparison to last year reveals that some that were on the outer circle have been pulled inwards. There are some whose position remains unchanged, and I love them for their steadfastness (I hate Change). And some are straying dangerously on the edge, threatening to fall off, and I catch my breath.
On this last night in this city I love so much... Help me. I'm suffocating..
posted by Melanie at 11:48 PM
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