My New Year

I miss them so much..

That week was fabulous. It gave that 'best time of my life' some serious competition! It was all so familiar - that comfort in knowing that no matter what, you'll be ok. And I think that is the epitome of security.

Two years ago, 4th September 2004, was the beginning of the worst year of my life. And it lasted a whole year till my next birthday. I'm starting a new year of my life today, and I seem to be in the same trough I was two years ago. It seems that my birthday falls in the downswing of my yearly cycle, sometimes, the absolute nadir. I sit here, two years in the future, writing about the emotions of the past. And they haunt me still.

Perhaps the base of this cycle is not as low as two years ago, however, the emotions are the same, just the intensity lessened. This time round, I find myself smiling more and frowning less.

Better by far you should forget and smile,
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Christina Rossetti was a wise woman. And in most moments, I feel as wise.

But those few moments in between, where you long to hold that love in your arms - for in them, it is tangible - for those few moments, I remember. And I am sad.