The Power To Hurt
Since that time in my life, the Certificate of Trust has been awarded less frequently to the people in my life, especially to the new entrants. And I point the Finger of Blame at a sole person.
The saying goes, shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice. True, don't you think?
So my strategy is not to trust. Not to let anyone in. And not to fall. Never. For then only do I take away the power from you to hurt me. In fact, I never gave it to you to begin with! Even to those I trust the most, the transfer has reached ninety nine percent but never a hundred. That one percent is for me. The possibility that you will hurt me. And that one percent will never be yours.
This was the topic of conversation with a friend recently. And I probed further. I realised it's about control. When you are in the driver's seat of your emotions, no one can stray you away. You see, I can always take a U-turn. And I'll do it of my own accord. It will be my choice. I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul. Henley was right.
Life's Irony presents itself once again. For as I sit here, the master and the captain, my heart still in pieces, I sit alone. I couldn't let anyone in. And those shards hurt me.
I look at that person once more. And see that the power to hurt... still lies with him.
The saying goes, shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice. True, don't you think?
So my strategy is not to trust. Not to let anyone in. And not to fall. Never. For then only do I take away the power from you to hurt me. In fact, I never gave it to you to begin with! Even to those I trust the most, the transfer has reached ninety nine percent but never a hundred. That one percent is for me. The possibility that you will hurt me. And that one percent will never be yours.
This was the topic of conversation with a friend recently. And I probed further. I realised it's about control. When you are in the driver's seat of your emotions, no one can stray you away. You see, I can always take a U-turn. And I'll do it of my own accord. It will be my choice. I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul. Henley was right.
Life's Irony presents itself once again. For as I sit here, the master and the captain, my heart still in pieces, I sit alone. I couldn't let anyone in. And those shards hurt me.
I look at that person once more. And see that the power to hurt... still lies with him.
posted by Melanie at 6:57 PM
2 Comments:
I feel for you, Darlin, and I totally understand where you're coming from.
You are correct, it IS about control, and by the time you get to this point (telling yourself you'll never give it up again) you've probably been hurt so much that you have a wall a mile wide around your heart and feelings.
I understand that too...because that is me as well. Long story short, I had an ex pretty much try to ruin my life, and I decided when that was over that I would never let anybody close enough to do that again....EVER.
Just beware that there is a steep price for this sort of independence, and you may well end up alone.
Emotional independence is a double-edged sword that cuts both ways.
Daniel Goleman - Emotional Intelligence Applied tells us what complex human beings we really are. Read it. Practice it. Will let you know 'from where all this comes from'
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