End-Of-The-Day Blues

The end of the day brings with it a kind of sadness. Perhaps because it is the end of another day in your life. Or perhaps it is due to the lack of that last dose of love before going to bed. I reckon it's the latter.

Moment swallowed and thoughts pushed aside, the focus remains on the 'highs' of the day. Playing with my newphew. Laughing endlessly. A good hug. A warm smile. A cute look. A flirtatious comment.

And I then drift into another world, to wake up only to a new day.

Maturity...Bring On The Grey!

Reminiscing on my view of the world as a child, one thought that stands out is my stance on the black and white nature of morality. It was ramrod straight, unbending to change. Every act was either right or wrong, and it was as simple as that.

Climbing that age ladder, it is safe to say that the higher up we go, the clearer it is that the world is no longer black and white but different shades of grey. Vision blurs and the values we upheld as children are so far down they don't seem to matter any more.

It is when you find yourself in situations you had termed as 'black' that life starts becoming 'grey'. Exceptions are made, heads are turned, and memories are tucked into the far segment of our minds.

After eighteen beautiful years of my life and maturing into adulthood, I have succumbed to the reality that life is indeed made up of differnt shades of grey.

The scary thought? That the journey of maturity is no where near the end! In fact, it has only just begun!

Parenthood

Eighteen and on the verge of adulthood (my God!), I still have the tendency (rare as it may be..hehe) to throw a temper tantrum. Sure they are not the loud squealings of a five year old child. But yes, the pouty face and the silent treatment are essential features.

I ponder upon my relationship with my parents as juxtaposed with their relationship with their own parents. From the stories I've heard, the authenticity of which can be questioned, it was a relationship dictated by fear. I believe that the relationship between a child and his parent can only be capitalized if the overtone is one of friendship rather than an authority-subordinate one.

I yearn to be a parent, so that I may implement all my theories on good parenting.

Perhaps one day I may have my own eighteen-year-old throwing tantrums to deal with.

I can't wait! It's going to be great!

High School and The Rest Of Your Life

High school is often dictated by the 'group' of friends that you belong to. Fitting in is paramount. Bouncing between groups only highlights your inability to lay the foundation for a 'true' friendship.

But that 'group' will disintegrate one day, if not because of anything else but the fact that everyone has to move on.

And that day will be an indicator of the beginning of The Rest of Your Life.

Bitching For The Soul

Today, I bitched like I have never bitched before. I didn't hold anything back. The frustration of the last five months came gushing out, the emotion and the cussing freed long before. I bitched about my life and the people in it. There were no tears, just high pitched frustration.

And I thank the Lord for the deliverance of the much needed friend. It makes such a difference.

Bitching for the Soul... if the Chicken Soup doesn't work out.

What I Have Lived For

Adapted from the essay of Bertrand Russel

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

Relativity

Among my older friends that were with me in school, I'm the baby of the group - tiny and teased. Among my friends who I now study in school with, I'm the oldest one, the mature one.
Contradiction of roles? Do you think its hypocrisy in the making?
If so, I beg to differ. I'm still me. It's just a matter of perspective I guess.
I think I just bumped across one example of relativity.

Learning From Mistakes

Mistakes are made so that we can learn from them.
But how often do you find yourself walking down that same path again?
We may walk down the same path numerous times and not realise it or walk once and realise that its time to turn around.
The next step is to acquire that strength to turn around and walk away, often a very difficult task for we all know what Temptation is like.
I found this poem in Sean Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.

From There's a Hole in My Sidewalk
by Portia Nelson.

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.


III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

There Is Hope

Drowning in a whirlpool of disappointment, I felt that hand reach out and pull me to safety, where there was comfort, love, hope. It was the silver lining, that ray of hope that made that grand gesture I was anticipataing, no, longing for.

And life has meaning again.

Measuring Success

I believe that the number of people that attend your funeral is a true testimony of how many lives you have touched.

And that will be the true measure of your life's success.

Happy New Year

Another corner rounded, another year has begun, and there is no joy, no pain, no relief, just blatant indifference. Another date in the calender, that's all it is. Tradegies, both personal and global, occur. That it is the New Year appears to make no difference. And in this realm of indifference, there is an underlying current, a knowledge that life goes on, perhaps the cause for this apathy.
A friend said that this year is probably going to be one of the most difficult years of my life. A transitory year it will be since I will be leaving home this fall, flying half way across the globe to an environment I know will not be home.
Until then, the monotonies of life will determine my life. The First Term Exams, Ethnic Day, Sports Day, School Picnic, Prom, friends coming and going.
Like I said earlier, life goes on.