Counting Stars

I was walking back from choir practice, and looked up to see one bright star standing out against the navy blue of the night sky.

Prior to this I had been tossing thoughts of where to continue my education - India or Canada - over in my head. And a realisation dawned on me. At the end of the day, what is the one basic necessity we all have as humans? Happiness. To be happy. And I questioned - what makes me happy? What brings me the most joy?

Being among family and friends. Being with good people. Laughing. Singing. Hugging. The simplest and most beautiful exchange of love. And happiness.

So I came to the conclusion, that no matter where I study, or where I work, if i am surrounded by the people I love, I shall truly be happy and satisfied.

I looked up at the sky, and I told myself that if I find ten stars shining down, despite the bright city lights, I will be happy all my life. Straining hard I managed to, somtimes wondering if I really did count a star.

I walked into my building telling myself that I have counted a star, even though it may be difficult to see.

And I walked into my building believing I would always be happy.

Walking Into Walls

Lyrics of Walking Into Walls by Brian McFadden:

She wipes the tear from her brow
She’s been cryin again
She’s been walking into walls again
Behind her quivering smile, there’s a secret
That goes deeper than the cuts she hides

Her head’s spinning around
He beat her soul to the ground
A grown woman in pain
And all she longs to be, is that little girl, again

She screams inside, and all she wants to be
All she wants to be, is yesterdays child
She wants to hide, and all she wants to be
All she wants to be, is yesterdays child

Curled up shivering alone, she’s been hurt again
She’s been walking into walls again
Her children keep her alive
They’re her sanity, but they’re the reason why she has to stay
A grown woman in pain and all she longs to be is that little girl, again.

Isn't It Ironic?

Isn't it ironic when the most emotionally taxing day can end up being a great day?

Isn't it ironic that you've studied so hard in high school to get into a great university but you end up going to a place you don't want to go?

Isn't it ironic that the people you emotionally depend on the most end up being the ones who let you down the most?

Isn't it ironic that the person who made you laugh the most also made you cry the most?

Isn't it ironic that the one person you crave attention from is the one who ignores you the most?

Isn't it ironic that the people you love the most are the ones you are unable to express it to?

Isn't ironic that the world perceives you to be full of life but inside you feel so dead?

Alanis Morisette sings it beautifully:

Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

Wearing Your Heart On Your Sleeve

This morning I happened to be part of a conversation where attention-seeking people were being discussed. Deservedly criticised, they were described as people who make a mountain of a molehill, and discuss personal issues with every Tom, Dick and Harry. And as I listened, I found myself reflecting on similarities in my own character.

For the remainder of the day, I made every effort to be true and not play My Life Is Worse Than Yours. However, concurrent to my strife was the evaluation and reflection on the reason behind being an attention-seeker. And I arrived at the most basic human quality - the need for love. The perception, I think, is that gaining attention is tantamount to gaining approval, affection, love.

Being in the spotlight does not provide that unconditional love that we crave for. Rather, the effect may just be the opposite. Friendship is the key to that locked door. Nothing is gained by wearing your heart and your woes on your sleeve.

Who Can We Truly Depend On?

Dr. Koshi, my English Teacher for the 10th and 11th grade, would repeatedly remind us that the only people we can truly depend on are God and ourselves.

How funny is it that most people are never there for us in our times of need.

Friend For Life?

There are times in your life when you wonder how many of the people you converse with and are in constant contact with daily are actually your true friends.

Looking at a plaque that was made for me describing my character, the description under "Relationships" reads 'When it comes to friends, only 'true blue' need apply.' And it is at times like these that I realise how true that statement is.

It is alright to have high expectations of your friends, so you know who you can classify as 'true' friends. However, what happens when the people you consider as your friends don't meet those expectations?

On the verge of leaving the country to study abroad, I've found myself continuously assessing my relationships, deciding who I will still be in contact ten years down the line. And there is a certain sadness when you realise that of a basketful of friends, there aren't more than the fingers on one hand that you can place on this Friend For Life list.

A Little Faith... A Great Comfort

It is a great comfort to know that there are many people who have so much faith in you, even more than you have in yourself.

The comfort is in knowing that there is somebody to pick you up when you fall.

Finding A Piece Of Myself...In Others

It's amazing how other people's words, their thoughts, their experiences can inspire you so much!

Truly the magic of words!

Small Things With Great Love

‘We can do no great things;
Only small things with great love.’

-- Mother Theresa.

But Still I Am One

‘I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.’

-- Edward Everett Hale.

Facing Your Fear, Peeing Into The Wind!

There's a theory that to overcome a fear, you have to face it.

The thought of public speaking scares me to the very core. But it is an art. To master it, you must practice it. And in this case, practice does indeed make perfect. But till that point of perfection is reached, it is all butterfly-filled tummy tied up in anxious knots.

A Friends scene comes to mind, where Chandler is afraid of commitment and Joey convinces him that he should face his fear, 'stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind.' And Chandler's response here seems so adequate.

'If I'm going to be staring down the barrel of the gun, I'm gonna be peeing pretty much every which way!'

Where Is The Other Cheese?

A key stratgey to move forward in personal growth is to befriend an enemy.

Change has been my greatest enemy this year, the cause for a majority of my unnecessary depressions and mood swings. And throughtout this academic year, which has yet to come to an end, I have been constantly reminded of this feature that plans to become a lifelong companion.

Currently studying business, I have observed that change and keeping up with it is the lifeblood of all businesses. And it is only plausible that such an application can be made to our own lives. 'Embrace the friend'. It is a true testament of my own growth when I can find good in an enemy such as this. In doing this I make room for contingency planning in my life, where I plan for the unexpected.

Having been the last person to want to study in India, I am now making room for such an option in my life. And moreover, I am happy about it! Rather than fearing Change, I have come to terms to roll with it, and maybe one day, roll ahead of it!

The essentiality of change is spoken about popularly in Dr. Spencer Johnson's Who Moved My Cheese? I feel that the book has been inappropriately titled. Time should not be wasted in finding out who brought about this change. Rather, the book should have been titled Where Is The Other Cheese?
I think it would have been more appropriate.

One Of Those Moments..

There are times when conversing with a friend helps more than putting your thoughts down in the form of writing.

This is one of those moments.

Living With Meaning

Some people go through their whole lives searching for fulfillment, for a sense of completion. And it is only in the closing stages of their life that they come to terms with the fact that what they were looking for was right under their noses the entire time.

Nothing, and I say this with the greatest resolution, will give you as much a sense of completion as loving the people in your life. Not wealth, not status, not a blooming career. It is the people in your life that you love and who love you unconditionally that matter. And life without caring for the people in your life is truly like not living at all!

It is a true blessing that I have atleast come across this thought so early in my life. After all, it is the first step to living my life with a true and meaningful purpose.