Life... It's Going On

I started writing here a little over seventeen months ago. Looking back at my earliest blogs, I see how far I've come. The thoughts that plagued my mind then do so now too, but to a lesser extent. And the experience is not as heart wrenching as it used to be.

Now I think about all the friends that I miss and smile at the fond memories. No longer does it tear me apart to think about those times. Someone said this day would come, and at that time I didn't believe him. Someone said that things will only get better from that point onwards, and at the time, I didn't believe him.

As I stand here, on the threshold of another phase of my life, terrified of what the future holds, I remember his words. Perhaps life may dip once more in the future, cyclical as it is, but those moments only hold the hope of a future rise. Silver lining.

I was terrified when she spoke to me about it. I felt robbed of something I cherish most about myself - my youth. Ever so often, I find the greatest joy in laughing out loud and hard, and I felt that side of me disappear as she spoke those words. I obsessed about it the whole evening and partially at night, imploring sleep to come, to take away those thoughts.

Sleep did come, eventually, but only after I had decidedly made peace with myself. I broke it down, deciding what it meant for me and my future. And I did this with a little help.

Those friends will be there (thanks to the wonder called the Internet & another called cars). They will be there to ease the pain during difficult times and to help deciphering ideas that are too large to comprehend.

Peace is attained and Sleep snuggles in.

New India

I read about New India. The description of how a twenty-five year old graduate woman, tapping away at a computer is prototypical of this New India.

And a perfect analogy seems to come to mind. This morning, I climbed up four stories of my college building and back down desperately searching for our new computer lab. Exasperated, I made a call to a friend, who directed me to it.

To say I was impressed is an understatement. You have to remember that I study in a ‘work-in-progress’ college, where railings mark the edge of the building that has yet to be fixed with its glass exterior. Bricks are strewn about outside the ‘entrance’ of the building. And that only marks the beginning of the construction around me.

So, therefore, when I walked into a professional looking lab, inclusive of black monitors with red and grey office chairs (yes, the ones with wheels!), I was thoroughly surprised.

As I read Jeffery Sachs’ The End of Poverty, and as he introduced New India to me, I realized I was living this transition. I am living through an important time in history, as India embarks upon the journey to the world of Superpowers. Whether it will reach there can be debatable. Yet this is a time when India is shedding its old image and embracing the new. And the transformation of my computer lab is in fact only a small example.

The winds of change are indeed sweeping across the nation.

Till Death Do Us Part

I was on my way home this evening, and on a turn close to my home, I saw this old man push a cart with fruits on it. And beside him, was an old woman helping him push the cart. The physical strength she offered may have been insignificant, but I pondered about the emotional strength she offered.

I thought of marriage then as the desire to want to grow old with a person. I want to say ‘with the person you love,’ but I don’t trust the word or its connotations. And marriage seems too important to be about just love.

So often I’ve heard the reason for the D word: We fell out of love with each other. Yea, sure, that high of love fades. But which mature adult didn’t know that? Or maybe even that high doesn’t fade, but is found in other sources. Hilary Clinton spoke about the stones that form the foundations of her marriage: losing parents, having children, years of friendship…

I remember the movie Story Of Us. All throughout the movie I was convinced that I never would want to get married – it only ends in disaster! I remember calling a friend as the movie progressed: I never want to get married! Marriage never works! Love fades and it just doesn’t work out!

Those of you who don’t believe in marriage should watch it. If you are not married, till the very end you sigh in relief.

But the end has you longing for it.

And the power of the movie goes far deeper. Your spouse will be the only person who knows your deepest darkest secret, your most joyful moment and the moment you crumbled. He/she is the person who will share those key moments with you – those moments that will define you and define the course of your life. In fact, that’s the person who’s going to be walking down that course with you! Knowing someone so deeply makes it all so special. And there will be no one else who will know those moments.

I want to grow old with you.

Indeed, till death do us part.


Love is just lust in disguise, and lust fades, so you damn well better be with someone who can stand you.
-- Story of Us.

Losing Focus

The past few weeks, instances of' lost focus have kept popping up. I guess only when you take notice of something you realize that it is in fact all around you.

My first experience was a battle in my own mind. This seed germinated when Sharad Pawar, the BCCI President, started the ‘marketing of cricket.’ Advertising slots on a batsman’s arm, tracks and cap was only the beginning. He wanted an official sponsor for everything, from television rights to the airline that would transport the star-studded team. And my first thought was, ‘What about the cricket?’

And I think about this every time I see a cricketer splash across my television screen in one more advertisement! A cricketer’s success seems to be measured by his brand portfolio rather than by his match portfolio. The minute Dhoni became an overnight sensation, talk was not about how he may be crucial to bringing India the World Cup, but rather which companies could bag him first. Talk was of the length of his hair rather than the length of his career. And the media only jumps right into this whirlpool of brand endorsements and celebrating celebrities, forgetting about that crucial little question. Yes, ‘what about the cricket?!’

I scream out but it reverberates only in my mind, not so much as raising even a single head.

The editor of the India Today magazine spoke of this in his editorial note. He spoke of how Lakme and Wills Lifestyle have gone head to head at this year’s Fashion Week, the competition being far from healthy. An event that should have been celebrating creativity is tainted with corporate threats.

It has become all about the brand image – dragging the corporate players and the cricket players down with it. When did they all lose focus of the BIG picture?

The same issue of India Today had Sonia Gandhi sprawled across the front page in the ‘office of profit’ issue. Politics is an area that lost focus a long time ago, so much that its very definition now suggests a survival of the fittest. The pit of politics appears far too dangerous to even get close enough for a peek, without being completed gobbled up. However, I will venture that fleeting glace.

A body set up to solve the problems of our country only seems to be adding to it. A body that came together to take the country to higher grounds appears to be drowning, dragging the country down with it. This is our government ladies and gentlemen. Ours and that of every other country. So busy pounding each other to the ground, they have forgotten the flag that hangs in front of them. And it serves as a fine example of lost focus.

In this world where there are so many beautiful sights to see, everyone walks around blinded. Blinded by their pride, blinded by ambition, blinded by wealth. Perhaps we all carry these traits, for we are only human. But let us open our eyes, and then take that step forward.