Hitting Rock Bottom

There are those moments in your life that you look ahead to. There are moments in your life that you play over and over in your head, enacting it with such precision because you want it to be perfect. And it may be the silliest and smallest event, but to you, it means the world. No one will understand why. Sometimes you don't understand it yourself.

And when that day comes, you hope with all your heart that it flows with the same precision it did in your numerous dreams. But when it doesn't, ah, it is truly like hitting rock bottom! And nothing can make you feel better because you know you have failed.

A moment for one of those heavy sighs...

To put an optimistic spin, as we should at every moment we feel down: Being at rock bottom, the only place left to go is back up!

The Sky's Not The Limit!

It is always an asset to be cognisant of your weaknesses. I looked up the thesaurus for another word for 'weakness' and I came across 'limitation' and 'drawback.' However, I prefer to call them weaknesses as opposed to limitations or drawbacks.

'Weakness', although having a negative connotation to it just as the other two do, is less restrictive in its overtone. 'Limitation' implies an obstruction to progression and 'drawback' a backwards pulling force.

I do not believe anyone has limitations or drawbacks. But we all have weaknesses, which, with enough nurturing, can be strengthened.

There is nothing that anyone cannot do! The sky isn't even the limit!

No More Drama

The funny thing about life is that when we have so much drama going on around us we crib about it. We spend hour after hour wishing that it would all go away. And we wish that we could have a 'normal' life.

'No more drama in my life; So tired, tired of this drama,' sings Mary J. Blige.

Yet, when a year goes by, without any significant 'drama,' we tend to miss it. We remember the year before, with the fighting, the issues, the tears and the bitching. And we miss it all as it has been woven into the very fibre of our lives.

As I reminsce over the past year, I remember the drama, or the lack there of. The calm before the storm? Perhaps.

Anger-quake

Anger is a lot like stresses building up against a faultline in the earth's interiors. Each time someone pisses you off the gaps get tighter and the stresses greater. It is essential, therefore, to release these stresses that accumulate once in a while.

Surely, I would prefer many mild tremors than one catastrophic quake!

Walking On Thin Ice

There are days when you feel that your relationship with the people you love the most is bullet proof. And indeed, some are.

Yet there are days when this belief is tested. And you feel like you are walking on thin ice.

Caution. Sure, a great strategy to get across without falling through. But how long before patience diminishes and anger moves in - permanently?

I've fallen through the ice once, barely made it out and have never stepped near that pond since. I do not want to do that again.

Companions: Apathy & Lethargy

This past year I have experienced a degree of loneliness, sometimes feeling like I have no one but myself to count on. In a sense, I guess it's true. Yet the overriding effect is finding myself sitting on my own little island walled off from the rest of the world. And more often than not, there seems to be a comfort in being with onself.

Looking beyond the wall to the people that surround me, I see them differently. They are people who are momentairly part of my life and my heart, but none that have made it their home. And with this isolation, there has creeped in an ounce of apathy - for these momentary characters. It isn't really insensitvity, but surely I have become less sensitive.

I fail to 'put in my all' in these passing relationships because they are just that - passing. And I do not wish to see my love and commitment to be tossed aside as these relationships pass by me in a few months.

It is funny how Apathy brings along a companion - Lethargy. It's almost like those Buy 1 Get 1 Free offers.

A heavy sigh..

I am tired.

The Boyband Experience

When we are children we often wish to be older. And as we grow up, we realise how complicated life gets, and often get drowned in the complications. Yet, there are those moments, few and far between, when we let all of our 'adulthood' go and remind ourselves what it was like to be carefree!

Going for the Westlife Concert this evening, I had that opportunity to let my hair down! It also reminded me about this obsession for boybands that most girls experience during their teens and pre-teens. And despite the criticism of our male cohorts, I believe it is an experience all girls should go through! It truly will be a memory to savour and laugh about when I am 40 and my own daughter is obsessed about some popstar of her time!

Life Unplugged

Life is terribly fond of this so-called 'surprise' element. A surprise usually brings about a momentary shock. Yet this 'surprise' element of Life brings about a metamorphsis and a life-altering one at that. A complete change in direction.

And it is in the aftermath of this surprise, that a feeling of deflation arises. That feeling that someone has pulled the plug on you and you feel Life being drained out. And the realisation dawns that a lot of the things we obsess about don't matter. Such as 'Which university I get my degree from". Getting a job and advancing in your career take a lot more than a piece of paper.

Reminding myself, once again, as I always do, that 'life goes on', I find I have to tear myself from the past and focus on where I am in my life at this moment. So I patch that hole, and find another source to pump some life into me.

Unconditional Trust

Never underestimate the essentiality of trust in every relationship. Once lost, it takes a considerable amount of time and effort to rebuild.

There are very few greater feelings than knowing that you can trust someone so unconditionally.

Gospel Truth?

A few days ago I learnt a very important lesson. One of those typical Life Lessons. I took part in a debate where the last part constitued of a Question and Answer Round. And while answering them myself, and observing my opponents answer the questions directed at them, I learnt this lesson. In life, you can talk all the bullshit you want, but as long as you sound confident, you can make your bullshit be Gospel Truth!

Moment Of Silence

His Holiness Pope John Paul II
1920 - 2005

The announcement of the passing away of our Pope, although expected, was met with shock and silence as the people absorbed the news. The finality that the news brought was perhaps the reason for this momentary shock. And it was followed by overwhelming emotion, being washed over with a sense of relief for the end of the suffering that the Pope endured for so many years.

It is the silence that is my greatest appreciation of the Catholic community. The death of such a remarkable public figure, the leader of a community of 1.1 billion people, was met by the most humble of reactions. Silence. And prayer. And it is a true testimony to the role Pope John Paul II played as a leader. The people's dignified suffering is only a reflection of the dignity with which he endured his illness.

'He's not only taught us how to live, but how to die'
- Father Michael Cunningham

Imperfections

Character imperfections, I feel, are blessings rather than a limitations. It gives living some purpose.

If I was already a perfect person, I would have nothing to strive for.