Weight Of The World

Michelangelo's Atlas

'This Atlas.. is he saying that every man who carries a head on his shoulders is carrying the full weight of the world?'

-- Giovanni Spina, The Agony and the Ecstasy

What I Really Am

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling

And this is how you remind me
Of what I really am...

There's conflict. A battle inside my head. Every day. Every inspiring moment. It's an urge to do something with my life, to make a difference. And I'm fighting against the odds every minute.

However, these odds do not exist externally, but are within me. And they have been with me as far back as I can remember, so intrinsically woven into the very fibre of my being. And these odds I fight are not complex. In fact, it one very simple concept, manifest in manifold forms. Fear. Fear of risk. Fear of failure. Fear of hardship.

I watched The Guardian today. And I realised that the most meaningful and fruitful career is one which involves you saving another person's life. But those involve surgeons and lifeguards, to name the most common. And none of these is my forte.

So I wonder every day, whether I have it in me to make that difference. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I rummage through my past, trying desperately to find moments where I have done justice to this strongest of wills.

And I can't find any..

And this is how you remind me
Of what I really am...

Rare Romanticism

This is a rare moment for me. Very rarely have I been in this mood in the past year or so. There is always reason to hope and a duty to be positive, but I chose the other route: Nonchalance with a smidge of cynicism.

And so to find myself in this moment of romanticism is a surprise. I fantasize about the Guy I will spend the rest of my life with. And it is a real fantasy. I imagine a life of success along with hardships, laughter along with fights, fun with friends along with family.

For a moment, I believe. And I try to suck all the sweetness out of it that I can. This is a rare moment.